Notebook of Clifford Powell, on his deathbed (6)

Extracts from a notebook written in a number of people's handwriting which records the last thoughts of Arthur Clifford 'Cliff' Powell, eldest son of W.J. and Clara Powell, and older brother of Walter Powell. Their brother Percy had died of his wounds in 1917. Cliff Powell was dying of TB contracted whilst serving in the trenches in the First World War. According to Walter Powell's notes Cliff had "served over 3 years at Ypres" in three regiments Herefords, Monmouth's, Somerset Light Infantry, "In 5 Battalions. Terrible Losses". Photographs of Cliff are also in this collection. Entries in the notebook appear to have been made by Cliff in pencil, and sometimes these have been written over in ink (probably for clarity) in either his father or his mother's hand. They sometimes appear to be Cliff trying to communicate with a visitor. Poems and verse are included - possibly written by Cliff - he was a talented artist, painting birds in particular which were published in a number of books. Sometimes the entries appear to be thoughts recorded on paper as reminders for what to be done about the dispersal of his property or his wishes for readings etc. At the end the entries are written by people recording what Cliff has said or done in his delirium or in moments of calm/clarity. It makes for some uplifting and some distressing reading. Some extracts include: 26 June 1921 I have always seen enough of God in nature to believe in Him. There are a great many more things in life to rejoice over than to mope about. 1 August 1921 At Alpine Bridge [a picturesque foot bridge over the River Ithon in Radnorshire] At Alpine Bridge deep dark valleys had not been that way before - lost awoke ['on' DELETED] over the hills - Where am I? What day is it? What time is it? What has happened? 2 August 1921 I know the TB has got down to my stomach. It will soon carry me home - the Doctors are helpless. 6 August 1921 To Aunty: I hope I shall keep smiling to the end. I shall try. 7 August 1921 To self: Will power has a great deal to do with it. I hope you won't hear me squeal. I shall try to smile to the end. 9 August 1921 Tell her ['Blanche' is mentioned elsewhere on that page] that I am getting weaker... only a matter of time 13 August 1921 His [Cliff's] birthday. Many gifts of flowers. This is my last Birthday. I am just glad I reached it. I want to go now, quietly. When Dad said to me a week last Friday lets see is your Birthday tomorrow, I said no a week tomorrow but I meant to reach it if I could, I don't know just why but I have startedmy 27th year. 14 August 1921 ...I have found more evidence of God's love and wisdom in Nature and the world, than I ever saw in any Church, And I saw more religion - well practical Christianity "over there", than I have ever seen anywhere else... now I just want to go quietly. I have no fear at all. (Aunty - Some people pass away in their sleep. Ah! I should like that)... The problem of pain: we think we should be better without pain, but how do we know its purpose, it is all around us. We are in the world, but we know little about it. ...I wish my old medals would come tomorrow. I should like to see them. (Wal should get his too) - All my Army papers and addresses are in my drawer now - Mother's seeing to all my letters - I have asked her. 20 August 1921 Good old Somerset Light Infantry, they had a torn flag and now my flag is torn too. It is now in my gums where teeth had been extracted. it is in my whole body, got it everywhere now... I have felt very bright today. I woke up bright at 9 o'clock, and was fully awake for my shave. Saw Emlyn, Agnes and Percy Bufton. 21 August 1921 Miss Thomas Neath called 10.30am. To Mother - You want some help to go to bed - I think. 20 August 1921 The great thing in life is not so much to win the game as to play a bad hand well. 21 August 1921 Evening delirium. Very weak. Can't I have a drink - no I can't have a drink - but - ? but - but - ? Wait a minute - Oh dear dear - , No I can't have a drink - because - because - ? That's it - ...He looked up at me and smiled as he always did. Passed away 4.20 a.m. Weds 24 August 1921. "Success is of far less consequence than fortitude". Even when the opposing team had piled up a heap of goals, they - played as hard as if success were only just round the corner. Uphill - Christina Rossetti - poem is copied out in full. Part of a collection relating to Walter H. Powell, Llandrindod Wells, (private / driver M2-267205 Mechanised Transport Army Service Corps). Born 1898, Walter tried to join up under-age on a number of occasions, finally succeeding in 1916. He served many months - (more than 2 years?) - in different army units in Britain, before going over to France. He served as a despatch rider for an anti-aircraft battery in 1918-1919. Walter was gassed "suffering the effects all his life". He was a founder member of Toc-H in Llandrindod, and a keen footballer - he died in 1994 aged 96. However Walter's older brothers (Cliff and Percy Powell) and his uncle (Humphrey Powell) died of wounds sustained during the war.

本数据集取自一本多手书笔记，该笔记记录了亚瑟·克利福德·“克利夫”·鲍威尔（Arthur Clifford 'Cliff' Powell）的临终思绪。克利夫是W.J.与克拉拉·鲍威尔的长子，亦是沃尔特·鲍威尔的长兄。其兄弟珀西已于1917年因战伤离世。克利夫·鲍威尔因一战堑壕服役期间感染的结核病（Tuberculosis，TB）病危。据沃尔特·鲍威尔的笔记记载，克利夫曾在赫里福德团（Herefords）、蒙茅斯团（Monmouth's）、萨默塞特轻步兵营（Somerset Light Infantry）这三支军团服役，前后隶属5个营，在伊普尔（Ypres）前线奋战三年有余，期间经历了惨重的人员损失。本藏品中亦收录有克利夫的相关照片。

笔记内容多由克利夫以铅笔书写，部分内容会被其父亲或母亲用墨水誊写（大概率是为了更清晰易读）。部分条目似乎是克利夫试图与探访者交流的内容。藏品中还收录有诗歌与韵文，大概率出自克利夫之手。克利夫颇具艺术天赋，尤擅绘制鸟类，其鸟类画作曾被收录于多部出版物中。部分条目则是克利夫记录下的备忘思绪，涉及个人财产的处置安排，或是希望在葬礼上诵读的悼词等事宜。笔记末尾的条目则由他人记录，内容为克利夫在谵妄状态或是清醒时刻的言行。这些内容读来既有催人振奋的片段，亦有令人心碎的时刻。

部分摘录如下：
1921年6月26日：我始终在自然之中窥见足够多的神性，足以令我笃信祂的存在。人生中值得欢欣之事，远多于令人颓丧的烦忧。
1921年8月1日：于阿尔卑斯桥【拉德诺郡艾思河（River Ithon）上一座风景如画的人行桥】
于阿尔卑斯桥：深邃幽暗的山谷未曾如此过——山峦间的雾霭已散去【原文“on”已删除】——我身在何处？今日是何日子？此刻是何时？方才发生了什么？
1921年8月2日：我知晓结核病已侵袭至我的胃部。它很快就会带我归去——医生们对此束手无策。
1921年8月6日：致姑妈：我希望能始终面带微笑直至最后一刻。我会尽力为之。
1921年8月7日：致自己：意志力对此至关重要。但愿旁人不会听见我的呻吟。我会尽力微笑到最后。
1921年8月9日：转告她【本页其他位置提及了“布兰奇”】我的身体正日渐虚弱……时日无多了。
1921年8月13日：今日是克利夫的生日，收到了诸多鲜花作为贺礼。这是我最后一个生日。我仅为自己能撑到今日而心怀感激。我现在只想安静地离去。上周周五父亲对我说“看看，你的生日是不是明天？”，我答道“是下周明天”，但我本想尽力撑到这一天的。我也说不清缘由，但我已然开启了自己的27岁人生。
1921年8月14日：……相较于在任何一座教堂中所见，我在自然与世间万物之中，窥见了更多彰显神之爱与智慧的佐证。而我在“那边”（指战场）所见的宗教——确切来说是务实的基督教——也比别处更多……如今我只想安静地离去。我毫无惧色。（姑妈：有些人会在睡梦中离世。啊！我也希望能如此）……关于痛苦的命题：我们总认为若无痛苦便能活得更好，但我们如何知晓痛苦存在的意义？它无处不在。我们身处世间，却对它知之甚少。……我期盼旧日的勋章能于明日送达。我想再看一眼它们。【沃尔特（Wal）也应收到他的勋章】——我所有的军方文件与联系方式都放在我的抽屉里了——母亲正帮我打理所有信件，这是我拜托她的。
1921年8月20日：可敬的萨默塞特轻步兵营，他们曾有一面被撕碎的旗帜，如今我的“旗帜”也已然残破。病痛已侵袭至我的牙龈——那里刚拔过牙，如今它蔓延至我的全身，无处不在……今日我感觉状态极佳。我九点钟醒来时神清气爽，剃须时也完全清醒。今日见到了埃姆林、艾格尼丝与珀西·巴夫顿一家。
另一段1921年8月20日的条目：人生中最可贵的事，并非赢得比赛，而是即便手握烂牌，也能打得漂亮。
1921年8月21日：尼斯的托马斯小姐于上午10:30到访。致母亲：我想您或许需要有人帮忙就寝。
1921年8月21日：夜间出现谵妄症状。身体极度虚弱。我能不能喝一口水——不行，我不能喝水——可是……？可是……？等等——天啊——不，我不能喝水——因为……因为……？原来如此……【此处的“他”】抬头望向我，一如往常般露出了笑容。克利夫于1921年8月24日周三凌晨4:20与世长辞。
"Success is of far less consequence than fortitude"。即便对手已攻入多球，他们仍拼尽全力，仿佛胜利就在咫尺之遥。《上坡路》（Uphill）——克里斯蒂娜·罗塞蒂（Christina Rossetti）所作诗歌，全文被誊写于此。

本藏品同时收录了与沃尔特·H·鲍威尔（Walter H. Powell）相关的资料，其住址为兰德林多德韦尔斯（Llandrindod Wells），服役身份为陆军勤务军团机械化运输部队列兵/驾驶员，编号M2-267205。沃尔特生于1898年，曾多次尝试提前入伍，最终于1916年如愿。他先后在英国境内多支陆军部队服役数月（超两年），随后被派往法国前线。1918年至1919年间，他担任防空炮兵连的传令兵。沃尔特曾遭毒气袭击，此后终身受其后遗症困扰。他是兰德林多德韦尔斯托奇会（Toc H）的创始成员之一，亦是狂热的足球爱好者，于1994年离世，享年96岁。沃尔特的长兄克利夫与珀西·鲍威尔，以及其叔父汉弗莱·鲍威尔，均因一战中的战伤离世。