Notebook of Clifford Powell, on his deathbed (9)

Extracts from a notebook written in a number of people's handwriting which records the last thoughts of Arthur Clifford 'Cliff' Powell, eldest son of W.J. and Clara Powell, and older brother of Walter Powell. Their brother Percy had died of his wounds in 1917.

Cliff Powell was dying of TB contracted whilst serving in the trenches in the First World War. According to Walter Powell's notes Cliff had "served over 3 years at Ypres" in three regiments Herefords, Monmouth's, Somerset Light Infantry, "In 5 Battalions. Terrible Losses". Photographs of Cliff are also in this collection.

Entries in the notebook appear to have been made by Cliff in pencil, and sometimes these have been written over in ink (probably for clarity) in either his father or his mother's hand. They sometimes appear to be Cliff trying to communicate with a visitor. Poems and verse are included - possibly written by Cliff - he was a talented artist, painting birds in particular which were published in a number of books. Sometimes the entries appear to be thoughts recorded on paper as reminders for what to be done about the dispersal of his property or his wishes for readings etc. At the end the entries are written by people recording what Cliff has said or done in his delirium or in moments of calm/clarity.

It makes for some uplifting and some distressing reading. Some extracts include:

26 June 1921 I have always seen enough of God in nature to believe in Him. There are a great many more things in life to rejoice over than to mope about.
1 August 1921 At Alpine Bridge [a picturesque foot bridge over the River Ithon in Radnorshire]

At Alpine Bridge
deep dark valleys
had not been that
way before - lost
awoke ['on' DELETED] over the hills -
Where am I?
What day is it?
What time is it?
What has happened?

2 August 1921 I know the TB has got down to my stomach. It will soon carry me home - the Doctors are helpless.
6 August 1921 To Aunty: I hope I shall keep smiling to the end. I shall try.
7 August 1921 To self: Will power has a great deal to do with it. I hope you won't hear me squeal. I shall try to smile to the end.
9 August 1921 Tell her ['Blanche' is mentioned elsewhere on that page] that I am getting weaker... only a matter of time
13 August 1921 His [Cliff's] birthday. Many gifts of flowers. This is my last Birthday. I am just glad I reached it. I want to go now, quietly. When Dad said to me a week last Friday lets see is your Birthday tomorrow, I said no a week tomorrow but I meant to reach it if I could, I don't know just why but I have startedmy 27th year.
14 August 1921 ...I have found more evidence of God's love and wisdom in Nature and the world, than I ever saw in any Church, And I saw more religion - well practical Christianity "over there", than I have ever seen anywhere else... now I just want to go quietly. I have no fear at all. (Aunty - Some people pass away in their sleep. Ah! I should like that)... The problem of pain: we think we should be better without pain, but how do we know its purpose, it is all around us. We are in the world, but we know little about it. ...I wish my old medals would come tomorrow. I should like to see them. (Wal should get his too) - All my Army papers and addresses are in my drawer now - Mother's seeing to all my letters - I have asked her.
20 August 1921 Good old Somerset Light Infantry, they had a torn flag and now my flag is torn too. It is now in my gums where teeth had been extracted. it is in my whole body, got it everywhere now... I have felt very bright today. I woke up bright at 9 o'clock, and was fully awake for my shave. Saw Emlyn, Agnes and Percy Bufton.
21 August 1921 Miss Thomas Neath called 10.30am. To Mother - You want some help to go to bed - I think.
20 August 1921 The great thing in life is not so much to win the game as to play a bad hand well.
21 August 1921 Evening delirium. Very weak. Can't I have a drink - no I can't have a drink - but - ? but - but - ? Wait a minute - Oh dear dear - , No I can't have a drink - because - because - ? That's it - ...He looked up at me and smiled as he always did.
Passed away 4.20 a.m. Weds 24 August 1921.

"Success is of far less consequence than fortitude".

Even when the opposing team had piled up a heap of goals, they - played as hard as if success were only just round the corner.

Uphill - Christina Rossetti - poem is copied out in full.

Part of a collection relating to Walter H. Powell, Llandrindod Wells, (private / driver M2-267205 Mechanised Transport Army Service Corps). Born 1898, Walter tried to join up under-age on a number of occasions, finally succeeding in 1916. He served many months - (more than 2 years?) - in different army units in Britain, before going over to France. He served as a despatch rider for an anti-aircraft battery in 1918-1919. Walter was gassed "suffering the effects all his life". He was a founder member of Toc-H in Llandrindod, and a keen footballer - he died in 1994 aged 96. However Walter's older brothers (Cliff and Percy Powell) and his uncle (Humphrey Powell) died of wounds sustained during the war.

本数据集收录了一本笔记的摘录，该笔记由多人笔迹共同完成，记录了亚瑟·克利福德·“克利夫”·鲍威尔（Arthur Clifford 'Cliff' Powell）的临终思绪。克利夫是W.J.与克拉拉·鲍威尔的长子，沃尔特·鲍威尔的长兄，二人的兄弟珀西已于1917年因战伤离世。

克利夫·鲍威尔因一战战壕服役期间感染的肺结核（Tuberculosis, TB）病危。根据沃尔特·鲍威尔的笔记记载，克利夫曾在伊普尔（Ypres）服役超三年，先后隶属于赫里福德郡团、蒙茅斯郡团与萨默塞特轻步兵团，“历经5个营的作战，伤亡惨重”。本藏品中同时收录了克利夫的照片。

该笔记的主体内容为克利夫以铅笔书写，部分内容后被其父亲或母亲以墨水誊写（或为提升可读性）。部分条目似乎是克利夫试图与探访者交流的记录。笔记中还收录了诗歌与韵文——大概率出自克利夫之手，他本身是一位天赋出众的艺术家，尤擅绘制鸟类，其画作曾被收录于多部出版物中。部分条目为克利夫记录的所思所想，用以提醒自己处理财产分配、葬礼诵读安排等事宜。笔记末尾的内容则由他人代为记录，记录了克利夫在谵妄状态或是清醒时刻的言行。

这些内容读来时而令人动容，时而令人心绪难平。部分摘录如下：
1921年6月26日：我始终在自然之中窥见足够多的神性，以此坚信上帝的存在。生命中值得欢欣的事物远多于令人郁郁寡欢的部分。
1921年8月1日：于阿尔卑纳桥（拉德诺郡内横跨艾顿河的风景优美的步行桥）
在阿尔卑纳桥
幽深昏暗的山谷
此前从未涉足此地——迷失
醒来【“on”被删除】越过山丘——
我身在何处？
今日是何日子？
此刻是何时刻？
究竟发生了何事？

1921年8月2日：我清楚肺结核已经侵袭我的胃部。它很快就要带我归家——医生们对此束手无策。
1921年8月6日：致姨妈：我希望自己能始终微笑到最后一刻。我会尽力而为。
1921年8月7日：致自己：意志力对此至关重要。希望你不会听见我发出呻吟。我会尽力微笑到最后。
1921年8月9日：告诉她【该页面其他位置提及了“布兰奇”】我的身体愈发虚弱……不过是时日无多罢了
1921年8月13日：今日是他[克利夫的生日]。收到了许多鲜花作为礼物。这是我最后一个生日。能活到此刻我已深感欣慰。我现在只想安静地离去。上周周五父亲对我说“看看明天是不是你的生日”，我本想说“是一周后的明天”，但我当时只是想着能撑到那天就好，我也说不清缘由，但我已经开启了自己的27岁。
1921年8月14日：……比起在任何教堂中所见，我在自然与世间万物中，更能窥见上帝之爱与智慧的佐证。我在“那边”所见的宗教——确切来说是实用主义基督教——也比别处更多……如今我只想安静地离去。我毫无惧色。（姨妈：有些人会在睡梦中离世。啊！我也希望如此……）关于痛苦的命题：我们总认为若无痛苦会过得更好，但我们如何知晓痛苦的意义？它无处不在。我们身处世间，却对它知之甚少。……我希望我的旧勋章能在明天送到。我想再看一看它们。（沃尔特也该拿到他的勋章）——我所有的军方文件与联系方式都放在我的抽屉里——母亲正在处理我的所有信件——我已经嘱咐过她了。
1921年8月20日：可敬的萨默塞特轻步兵团，他们曾有一面破损的旗帜，如今我的旗帜也同样残破。它如今在我的牙龈里——就在我被拔除的牙齿所在之处。它遍布我的全身，如今无处不在……今日我感觉格外清醒。我九点钟醒来时神采奕奕，剃须时也完全清醒。见到了埃姆林、艾格尼丝与珀西·巴夫顿。
1921年8月20日：人生中最重要的事，并非赢得比赛，而是即便手握烂牌，也能打出精彩。
1921年8月21日：托马斯·尼斯女士于上午10点30分到访。致母亲：我想你需要有人帮忙扶你上床休息。
1921年8月21日：夜间谵妄。身体极度虚弱。我能不能喝一杯——不，我不能喝酒——但是——？但是——但是——？等一下——哦亲爱的，亲爱的——，不，我不能喝酒——因为——因为——？就是这样……他抬头看向我，像往常一样露出了笑容。
于1921年8月24日周三凌晨4点20分与世长辞。

“成功远不及坚毅重要。”
即便对手已攻入大量进球，他们仍全力以赴，仿佛胜利就在咫尺之遥。

《登山》——克里斯蒂娜·罗塞蒂——全诗被誊写于此。

本数据集为兰迪德诺市的沃尔特·H·鲍威尔（Walter H. Powell）相关藏品的一部分，他隶属于陆军运输勤务部队（Mechanised Transport Army Service Corps），军衔/职务为列兵/驾驶员M2-267205。沃尔特生于1898年，曾多次试图提前入伍，最终于1916年成功参军。在赴法参战前，他曾在英国境内多支部队服役数月（逾两年）。1918至1919年间，他担任防空炮兵连的传令兵。沃尔特曾遭遇毒气袭击，此后终身受其后遗症困扰。他是兰迪德诺市托赫会（Toc-H）的创始成员之一，同时也是一名狂热的足球爱好者，于1994年离世，享年96岁。然而，沃尔特的兄长克利夫与珀西·鲍威尔，以及其叔父汉弗莱·鲍威尔，均因战争中负伤而离世。