Notebook of Clifford Powell, on his deathbed (15)

Extracts from a notebook written in a number of people's handwriting which records the last thoughts of Arthur Clifford 'Cliff' Powell, eldest son of W.J. and Clara Powell, and older brother of Walter Powell. Their brother Percy had died of his wounds in 1917.

Cliff Powell was dying of TB contracted whilst serving in the trenches in the First World War. According to Walter Powell's notes Cliff had "served over 3 years at Ypres" in three regiments Herefords, Monmouth's, Somerset Light Infantry, "In 5 Battalions. Terrible Losses". Photographs of Cliff are also in this collection.

Entries in the notebook appear to have been made by Cliff in pencil, and sometimes these have been written over in ink (probably for clarity) in either his father or his mother's hand. They sometimes appear to be Cliff trying to communicate with a visitor. Poems and verse are included - possibly written by Cliff - he was a talented artist, painting birds in particular which were published in a number of books. Sometimes the entries appear to be thoughts recorded on paper as reminders for what to be done about the dispersal of his property or his wishes for readings etc. At the end the entries are written by people recording what Cliff has said or done in his delirium or in moments of calm/clarity.

It makes for some uplifting and some distressing reading. Some extracts include:

26 June 1921 I have always seen enough of God in nature to believe in Him. There are a great many more things in life to rejoice over than to mope about.
1 August 1921 At Alpine Bridge [a picturesque foot bridge over the River Ithon in Radnorshire]

At Alpine Bridge
deep dark valleys
had not been that
way before - lost
awoke ['on' DELETED] over the hills -
Where am I?
What day is it?
What time is it?
What has happened?

2 August 1921 I know the TB has got down to my stomach. It will soon carry me home - the Doctors are helpless.
6 August 1921 To Aunty: I hope I shall keep smiling to the end. I shall try.
7 August 1921 To self: Will power has a great deal to do with it. I hope you won't hear me squeal. I shall try to smile to the end.
9 August 1921 Tell her ['Blanche' is mentioned elsewhere on that page] that I am getting weaker... only a matter of time
13 August 1921 His [Cliff's] birthday. Many gifts of flowers. This is my last Birthday. I am just glad I reached it. I want to go now, quietly. When Dad said to me a week last Friday lets see is your Birthday tomorrow, I said no a week tomorrow but I meant to reach it if I could, I don't know just why but I have startedmy 27th year.
14 August 1921 ...I have found more evidence of God's love and wisdom in Nature and the world, than I ever saw in any Church, And I saw more religion - well practical Christianity "over there", than I have ever seen anywhere else... now I just want to go quietly. I have no fear at all. (Aunty - Some people pass away in their sleep. Ah! I should like that)... The problem of pain: we think we should be better without pain, but how do we know its purpose, it is all around us. We are in the world, but we know little about it. ...I wish my old medals would come tomorrow. I should like to see them. (Wal should get his too) - All my Army papers and addresses are in my drawer now - Mother's seeing to all my letters - I have asked her.
20 August 1921 Good old Somerset Light Infantry, they had a torn flag and now my flag is torn too. It is now in my gums where teeth had been extracted. it is in my whole body, got it everywhere now... I have felt very bright today. I woke up bright at 9 o'clock, and was fully awake for my shave. Saw Emlyn, Agnes and Percy Bufton.
21 August 1921 Miss Thomas Neath called 10.30am. To Mother - You want some help to go to bed - I think.
20 August 1921 The great thing in life is not so much to win the game as to play a bad hand well.
21 August 1921 Evening delirium. Very weak. Can't I have a drink - no I can't have a drink - but - ? but - but - ? Wait a minute - Oh dear dear - , No I can't have a drink - because - because - ? That's it - ...He looked up at me and smiled as he always did.
Passed away 4.20 a.m. Weds 24 August 1921.

"Success is of far less consequence than fortitude".

Even when the opposing team had piled up a heap of goals, they - played as hard as if success were only just round the corner.

Uphill - Christina Rossetti - poem is copied out in full.

Part of a collection relating to Walter H. Powell, Llandrindod Wells, (private / driver M2-267205 Mechanised Transport Army Service Corps). Born 1898, Walter tried to join up under-age on a number of occasions, finally succeeding in 1916. He served many months - (more than 2 years?) - in different army units in Britain, before going over to France. He served as a despatch rider for an anti-aircraft battery in 1918-1919. Walter was gassed "suffering the effects all his life". He was a founder member of Toc-H in Llandrindod, and a keen footballer - he died in 1994 aged 96. However Walter's older brothers (Cliff and Percy Powell) and his uncle (Humphrey Powell) died of wounds sustained during the war.

本数据集收录自一本由多人笔迹书写的笔记，该笔记记录了亚瑟·克利福德·'克利夫'·鲍威尔（Arthur Clifford 'Cliff' Powell）的临终思绪。克利夫是W.J.与克拉拉·鲍威尔的长子，也是沃尔特·鲍威尔的兄长。他们的兄弟珀西已于1917年因战伤离世。

克利夫·鲍威尔因第一次世界大战战壕服役期间感染的肺结核（TB）病危。据沃尔特·鲍威尔的笔记记载，克利夫曾在伊普尔（Ypres）服役超三年，先后隶属于赫里福德团（Herefords）、蒙茅斯团（Monmouth's）与萨默塞特轻步兵营（Somerset Light Infantry），共历经5个营的作战，"伤亡惨重"。本收藏中同时收录了克利夫的照片。

笔记中的字迹最初多由克利夫以铅笔书写，部分内容后被其父亲或母亲以墨水誊写（推测为提升可读性）。部分条目似乎是克利夫试图与访客沟通的记录。本收藏还收录了诗歌与韵文——大概率出自克利夫之手：他是一名颇具天赋的艺术家，尤其擅长鸟类绘画，其作品曾被收录于多部书籍中。部分条目为克利夫写下的备忘思绪，用于提示自己如何处置遗产，或是表达对葬礼诵读环节等事宜的遗愿。笔记末尾的条目则由他人记录，内容为克利夫在谵妄状态或清醒时刻的言行。

这些内容读来既有令人动容的温暖，亦有令人心碎的沉痛。部分摘录如下：

1921年6月26日："我始终能从自然中窥见上帝的身影，因此坚信祂的存在。人生中值得欢欣的事物，远多于令人沉湎忧伤的琐事。"

1921年8月1日：阿尔卑斯桥（阿尔卑斯桥为拉德诺郡内横跨艾瑟恩河的风景如画的步行桥）

阿尔卑斯桥
深邃幽暗的山谷
此前从未涉足此处——迷失
在山丘间苏醒（[on]已删除）——
我身在何处？
今日是何日？
此刻是何时？
究竟发生了何事？

1921年8月2日："我清楚肺结核已侵袭至胃部。它很快将带我归家——医生们已束手无策。"

1921年8月6日：致姨妈："我希望能始终微笑到最后一刻。我会尽力而为。"

1921年8月7日：致自己："意志力与此息息相关。但愿你不会听见我的呻吟。我会尽力微笑到最后。"

1921年8月9日："转告她（本页其他位置提及了布兰奇）：我日渐虚弱……不过是时日问题而已。"

1921年8月13日：今日是克利夫的生日。收到了许多鲜花作为礼物。这是我的最后一个生日。我只是庆幸自己活到了这一天。如今我只想安静地离去。上周周五父亲对我说"看看明天是不是你的生日"，我回答说是一周后的明天，但我本想尽力活到那一天。我也说不清缘由，但我已然开启了自己的27岁人生。

1921年8月14日："我从自然与世间万物中，窥见了远超任何教堂的上帝之爱与智慧。我在战场上所见的宗教——确切说是实用的基督教——也比别处更多……如今我只想安静地离去，毫无畏惧。（姨妈：有些人会在睡梦中离世。啊！我也希望如此。）关于痛苦的命题：我们总认为若无痛苦会过得更好，但我们怎知痛苦的意义所在？它无处不在。我们生于世间，却对它知之甚少……我希望我的旧勋章能在明日送到。我想再看一看它们。（沃尔特也该拿到他的勋章）——我所有的军方文件与地址都放在我的抽屉里——母亲正在处理我的所有信件——我已经嘱咐过她了。"

1921年8月20日："可敬的老萨默塞特轻步兵营，他们曾有一面破损的旗帜，如今我的旗帜也同样残破。如今它在我拔牙后的牙龈里，遍布我的全身，如今无处不在……我今日感觉格外清爽。我九点钟醒来时神清气爽，刮胡子时也完全清醒。见到了埃姆林、艾格尼丝与珀西·巴夫顿一家。"

1921年8月20日："人生中最重要的事，并非赢得比赛，而是即便握有一手烂牌，也能尽力打好。"

1921年8月21日：尼斯的托马斯小姐于上午10:30到访。致母亲："我想，你需要人扶着上床休息了。"

1921年8月21日：夜间谵妄。身体极度虚弱。"我不能喝点什么吗？不，我不能喝酒——但是……？可是……？等等——哦天啊，不，我不能喝酒——因为……因为……？对了……他抬头看着我，一如往常地露出了笑容。"

1921年8月24日周三，凌晨4:20，与世长辞。

"Success is of far less consequence than fortitude"

"即便对手已打入数球，他们仍拼尽全力，仿佛胜利就在眼前。"

《上坡路》（Uphill）——克里斯蒂娜·罗塞蒂（Christina Rossetti）——全诗已誊写于此。

本收藏同时包含与沃尔特·H·鲍威尔（Walter H. Powell）相关的资料。沃尔特曾居住于兰德林多德韦尔斯（Llandrindod Wells），军衔为列兵，服役编号为M2-267205，隶属于陆军勤务队机械化运输连（Mechanised Transport Army Service Corps）。沃尔特生于1898年，曾多次试图提前入伍，最终于1916年成功参军。他先后在英国境内多支部队服役数月（超两年？），随后赴法国作战。1918年至1919年间，他担任防空炮兵连的传令兵。沃尔特曾遭遇毒气袭击，此后终生受其影响。他是兰德林多德韦尔斯托奇俱乐部（Toc H）的创始成员之一，同时也是一名狂热的足球爱好者，于1994年离世，享年96岁。不过沃尔特的两位兄长克利夫与珀西·鲍威尔，以及其叔父汉弗莱·鲍威尔，均在战争中因战伤离世。